Filled with dread

I've been dreading today for ages, this afternoon I have to go to the hospital in Bangor to see a specialist spinal physiotherapist. I've already cancelled this appointment 3 times now because of my phobia of hospitals. This appointment has come about because the last bout of sciatica I had, was the most painful thing I've ever known in my entire life, and I've got a pretty high pain threshold too.

It started off as normal sciatica, unbearable pain in my back, then it started moving down my leg. I get sciatica on a regular basis so don't bother going to the doctors any more, I know the rules, rest but not too much rest and take painkillers, which is exactly what I did. Until the pain moved down to my ankle too ...then I got hit by the worst pain I've ever known. It felt like someone was twisting a broken glass round and round in my ankle constantly. After a day of this I went to the doctors who gave me Diazipan, that didn't ease it at all, if anything the pain got even worse. I couldn't walk downstairs any longer I had to sit and edge myself down. The following day the pain was even worse, I was crying it was so bad by now and I couldn't even get downstairs at all. I knew then I had to get the doctor to come and see me. This time it was a different doctor and she was very thorough, she prescribed some even stronger painkillers. I suffered the pain for a couple more days as the painkillers never even touched the pain, by this time I'd had no sleep and felt there was no way I could deal with this agony any longer. I must have been on the verge of overdosing on the painkillers by this time, as I was so desperate to have a break from it. I can't remember how many painkillers I took that day, it was at least double what the doctor had prescribed me if not more, in desperation we got someone to make me a very strong joint, I smoked that and passed out ( I normal never touch any drugs )!!

I woke up in the morning and the pain had gone completely. I couldn't believe it, I kept waiting for it to kick back in again, but it didn't ..... brilliant !! After a couple of days I noticed a couple of my toes had gone numb, I didn't think much of it, at least I wasn't in any pain. The numbness gradually spread over the following days to all of my toes, the top of my foot and part of the underneath of my foot and had moved up to left side of my calf too, my circulation was also getting very poor in that foot. At this point it was starting to affect my balance, so I reluctantly went back to the doctor. She was quite puzzled as the numbness was going up my leg, so she ordered a load of blood tests and said she was going to get me an urgent appointment at the hospital. Which she did...howver my fear of hospitals kicked in and I put off the appointment 3 times, now it's got the point where if I don't go today, they'll refer me back to my doctor again. So I've got to bit the bullet and face my fears and go to the hospital ekkkkk, wish me luck.

Yesterday my son and his girlfried came round as arranged. While he was here he moved some heavy stuff around in the garden for me and lifted my big dog in the bath so we could give him a well overdue wash...smelly old thing he was. They also offered to come shopping with us, which was great. As a thank you I got the stuff for him and his girlfriend to have something to eat with us.

Once they'd gone at 7 pm, I logged on the pc, but within a couple of hours my back and knees were so painful I had to lie down. I quickly fell asleep and didn't wake up till 6 am this morning !! That's the best sleep I've had for a couple of months, and this morning I feel bright eyed and bushy tailed. :o)