Saturday, 15 September 2012

Where does time go ?

Yet again my poor old blog suffers because the real world takes over !! I really don't know where the times goes these days. When I first started writing this blog, part of the reason was because I seemed to have so much time on my hands, it was like an online diary to keep track of what I'd been doing etc, Many's the time I've gone back through past posts to check and see when various events took place.

How things have changed since my first post. My youngest daughter who at times thought she'd never get a job she'd be happy in, has got a job which started off just as a work experience placement, and has now worked her way up till she is now the manageress of Redskin Tattoo's in Bangor North Wales, she will never truly know how very proud of her I am, despite me telling her.

My oldest daughter Emma has gone from just being content in bringing up her family, to someone who has now got an all time consuming artistic hobby, which has given her confidence and lots of new friends. Being one of those people who hates to see women, just becoming a mom or someones wife, I'm so pleased to see her adding another dimension to her life, doing scrapbooking and card making. Her tentative steps into making cards has now got her to a level where they are as good as many hand crafted cards I've seen in shops, and with a little encouragement from me, she's making in roads into selling them now.

My youngest son Billie has gone from being a gangling out of work teenager, to the father of two lovely little girls working his socks off at being a chef, sometimes working 12 to 15 hrs in a day. Him and his girlfriend have just returned from their first family holiday, happy days !! Three of my other sons, Ben Dan and Rich have successful full time jobs selling on Ebay, and my other son Jed has also ( when he puts his mind to it ) been selling his artistic creations too. Sadly my other son Chris continues his life through a haze of alcoholism, I can't help but think what a waste of such a lovely guy  when he's sober. He also used to work full time and had just been promoted when the evils of alcoholism over took him, and he lost his job. I'd like to think that one day somehow he'll find the strength and the willpower to kick this disease into touch and be happy.

Then there's me of course...... who would have thought when I started my blog that I would be change from a happy with my life, single woman into someone that's madly in love with the eccentric, humorous sometimes infuriating Jim lol. I'd previously had two big loves in my life, one was my youngest daughters father Hughie, who when he wasn't under the influence of drink or drugs, was almost my ideal man. Boy did we go through some tough times together, under the influence he turned into some kind of Jekyll and Hyde character, who didn't think twice about using his fists to get his point across !! Yet sober he wouldn't even hurt a fly and turned into a charismatic, loving gentle soul, which is why I stayed in an abusive relationship for 12yrs. But in the end I realised I would never come first in his life, drink and drugs gave him something I never could and we parted company for good. Despite us being apart for a good few years, I was still heartbroken when the stupid sod had an accident when he was drunk which resulted in his death. Silly as it might sound, my youngest daughter and I both get signs that he's looking down on us.

My second big love shall remain nameless, but if he should read this he'll know who he is. Although we never lived together or even had what you might call a traditional type of relationship, I thought the world of him. I often used to think that if he'd have just been willing to give us a chance we would have been so good together, but it wasn't meant to be. We remained friends right up until Jim completely unexpectedly came into my life. Even though he'd encouraged me to look for someone in my life, and we'd both agreed we'd always stay friends, when I told him about Jim, gradually contact dwindled which to this day still makes me sad. We had so much in common, loving to go off on long drives exploring the countryside, with him I saw my first and only moonbow ( a white rainbow only that can be seen at night if conditions are right )  he also encouraged me so much in my own artistic endeavours, guided me into my first steps into oil painting and so many other things during the time we knew each other.

Now there's Jim, who I met when I'd almost come to the point in my life where I thought there was no way I could ever have any excitement or adventures in my life due to my lack of mobility, let alone fall in love again. How wrong was I !! Jim has turned my life around, he's shown me the kind of love and affection ( as I've said before ) I've always longed for in my life. The trust and commitment I've got from Jim, I've never had before, it's so reassuring. In the 14 months we've been together I can put my hand on my heart and say we've never had an argument. Jim is a very placid type of guy and his mellowness seems to have rubbed off on me  to a certain extent, although I was already mellowing as I got older, as my kids have ocasionally remarked upon lol. I've never been this happy and content in my life before, and I can see me and Jim growing old and grey together ......oh hang on we already are old and grey, better say getting older and greyer together I think lol.

1 comment:

Kath said...

thankyou for sharing your highs and lows, loves and losses. Your kids have done you proud and it's heart warming that you have not given up on Chris.
This was lovely to read.